11/27/2023 0 Comments Funny words for drunkYou went to University didn’t you? Well done. Use if you have to, but do be advised: you are now officially a Tory. 2 Trolleyed 2 Trolley.ĭo not get abandoned inside a trolley by your mates in ASDA carpark – do not use this word.Ĭan only be said the night after the night before, at a formal dinner, whilst opening your mouth and miming the chugging of a champagne flute. Maybe, even, inside an actual trolley in ASDA carpark. ESPECIALLY if you’re trolleyed, because then all your friends will immediately realise you are a Michael McIntyre fan and leave you on your own. This is a word exclusively for Michael McIntyre and fans of Michael McIntyre and is therefore extremely, extremely bad and you should never, ever use it, even if you are, in fact, trolleyed. They do this every single night out until they get married at 24 and spend the rest of their lives together living on the same road as their parents. They make their excuses and leave within half an hour to go home to cuddle their longterm girl/boyfriend. They turn to you, attempting to stretch their eyes as wide as possible, to tell you they are “feeling a bit waved”, and you sort of have to do that thing where you nod and mouth “oh, really?” and you’re forced to watch them deadly seriously nod back at you, their eyes stretched even wider as though the plastic cup of lemonade they’re holding has brought them close to the very face of God. That is literally all that has happened to them. They have had exactly four single vodka lemonades and the sugar has made them feel a bit giddy. This is what people who have never ever stayed out past 1am say. What they didn’t know was that the berries were actually far more dangerous than they ever imagined, they contained ethanol, and the berries were actually bad berries, gone bad berries, as the ethanol had now fermented. What they did then, that night, is they sat around the cave, near the fire, they have fire now as well, I’m assuming, and they ate it all together. But now they had axes, so they absolutely smashed the hunting and the gathering and they came back with all sorts of great things: some tasty, tasty elk, a sabre tooth tiger and loads of potentially lethal berries. They were just punching and grabbing stuff before, with their hands, with their awful, pathetic hands. What I think happened is the caveman went hunting with their new handaxes, literally cutting edge at the time, and they fucked shit up. What actually happened, I think, I’m just guessing here, mostly, is something else. As the motor neurones and the synapses started firing as the simple caveman eroding down a lump of rock to a point, presumably the motor skills for language did too, a dormant cortex now alive with possibility, the power of ingenuity gushing through the mind like a flood, the simple caveman brain now a useless lump slowly carving itself into a useful point. Typically, it is believed that humans first learnt to communicate after they developed their hunting weapons, primitive hand axes, oval droplets carved out of stone used to hit things, to bash things, to axe things. Please do drink, and use words and phrases to describe being drunk, at least semi-responsibly
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